The Fourth One (aka The Most Recent One)

On September 24th, 2014 I was cycling home from work on Preston Street in Ottawa when a door from a car parked near Adeline Street was flung open probably less than a metre in front of me. With traffic flowing (albeit slowly) on my left, I had to make a snap judgement to slam on the brakes, to pull left slightly, and to curse. The impact of my hand followed by my shoulder on the door probably caused enough whiplash to make me go unconscious. Fortunately, a former commuter cyclist was the next vehicle behind me when this all happened and he had stopped in plenty of time.

The next thing I remember is opening my eyes to bystanders standing around me in the middle of Preston Street. I was lying on my back, my head was pointed Westward and my legs were pointed Eastward, dangling over the double yellow lines in the middle of the road. My shoulder was killing me and my right hand was bleeding. I asked for a few moments to regain myself and quickly assessed that my shoulder was not dislocated and that I could probably get up. My helmet was scuffed, but I don't know if I had hit my head. I was wearing a backpack that contained my empty lunch containers and work clothes. They probably absorbed a lot of the impact.

The embarrassment and just wanting to go home and see my family caused me to decline calls for the police and an ambulance. In retrospect, I should have accepted. Perhaps my path to recovery would have been different.

The two occupants of the car tried to be as helpful as they could, offering any support that I needed. They were clearly remorseful. I told them to be more careful next time and we'd all be able to go home to our families.

After exchanging information with a few people on scene, I accepted a ride home from one of the witnesses. I visited an urgent care clinic that evening (diagnosis: probably a concussion) followed by my family physician when I could not complete my day at work the next day as the symptoms hit full force (light sensitivity, headache, fatigue, confusion, poor cognitive thinking, etc).

The next few months involved missing a lot of work. There were headaches, there was light sensitivity. Dizziness. Memory loss. Fatigue. Lots of repeating myself. Apparently I pointed out the broken glass at the end of our street on at least 5 separate occasions. And then there was the repeating myself. I repeat that joke a lot.

When I did return to work, I wore sunglasses at my computer. Took breaks every 15 minutes. Had the lights switched off. Anti-glare screens were added to my monitor. I went to physiotherapy at least once a week at the beginning. My physiotherapist did a lot of work on my neck to ease the headaches. It was like magic. There were naps in there too.

I slowly ramped back up, while working full days. It started with 1 day a week, then two, then three, etc. There were a few minor setbacks where I had to scale back the increase. Christmas was the key, a week and a half off put me over the top and I was ready to return full time in January. It was amazing. I didn’t always feel 100% but it was close enough for now. Physiotherapy continued to help ease my symptoms.

The Setbacks

On January 14, 2015, I celebrated my feeling the best that I had felt in a long time by bounding up 12 flights of stairs, 2 steps at a time. It didn’t occur to me until I had reached the top what a horrible idea that had been. Clearly I had not yet fully recovered because that was a terrible decision. A month later, I had been reduced to half days at work.

On May 18, 2015 (May 2-4 weekend), I felt well enough to take advantage of a beautiful day and to go out cycling around the neighbourhood as a family and as a test - not only of my physical well being, but also to see if there were any mental blocks to returning on a bike. I soon realized that the mental aspect was fine, I was quite comfortable on the bike. But I also soon realized that Ottawa’s streets are not all well paved and perhaps that I should not have set out on my bike on the city streets. The bumps and uneveness of the roads ended up being too much. I was set back once again.

On August 15, 2015 I ended up bringing down the hatch of our car on my head, hard. It resulted in a visit to the emergency room as a precaution. Luckily no ill effects because of the way the hatch came straight down on the top of my head. A bump the size of two loonies side by side was the end result.

It's not over yet...

From there, the story continues one year later.

I thank my friends and family and even my employer for being there and providing support. My wife has been the greatest source of strength and support that I could have ever asked for. She has been patient and strong in picking up the slack and pieces that I leave behind. She has been a constant source of positive words and feedback. I had a great physiotherapist and currently am seeing a physiatrist (go look it up, I didn't know what one was either) that I trust my reccovery with. The Internet has been a wonderful resource as well, I've drawn inspiration and energy from others who have been affected by concussions - Robert Wein, Rowan Stringer and family, May Mutter.

That being said, I’m tired of sitting at my desk at work wondering why I’m not getting anything done and all the while realizing that I’m getting nothing done while I’m thinking about it. I'll say things, then repeat them minutes later. I'll speak sentences and mix the order of the words. I'll say things, then repeat them minutes later. I don’t want to be a burden on those around me, I don’t want to be a burden on society. I want to get better so that I can be the best Father and Husband that I can be. I want to be able to work a full day again and feel like I’m part of the team and that I’m making a difference.

I’m ready to move on.

Wait... this is “The Fourth One”. What about the first three?

The First One

The story actually starts in almost 20 years earlier in 1996/97 when I suffered my first concussion. The details are more embarrassing than anything else so most people don’t know about this one. I was working out at the gym when I walked into a barbell being supported by a Smith machine. I made it home on the bus, dazed. Never lost consciousness. Recovered in a week or two.

The Second One

It continues on October 22, 1999. Some friends and I were at the I Mother Earth concert at the now defunct Straits Bar and Saloon in Nepean. We were pretty hardcore music fansand loved the energy of the crowd. So did the crowd surfers. On this night, I met the heel of a crowd surfer’s combat boot to the forehead. My knees bucked, I almost blacked out. My friends got me to safety and we finished the show. Recovery again took a week or so.

The Third One

I believe the story continues in the Winter of 1999/2000. Night snowboarding at Camp Fortune. We were pretty good snowboarders already, but still young and foolish. We were helmetless, zipping down the hills, cutting in and out with precision while avoiding the skiers. I can’t remember the exact circumstances, but I was either sailing over a bump or caught an edge when I ended up flipping end over end backwards at least 3 or 4 times before my the back edge of my board caught some snow and I flipped over backwards onto my head. I don’t think I lost consciousness but remember looking up the hill and seeing my touque and goggles at least 10-20 metres behind me. A nice skier stopped to pick up my belongings while my snowboarding partner accompanied me down and to his car. I was definitely wobbly, dazed, and concussed again. I bought a helmet shortly thereafter.

A Reprieve...?

Over the next 14 years, I suffered a few what I would call “stunners,” where some kind of contact left me dazed for a few seconds but otherwise unhurt. I was always "fine" until #4.